Petition me this, petition me that!

There is no Parliament going on, and it feels like a slow news day as well. Apparently there is something going on in the countryside at the moment. So what does one do in a moment of boredom such as this? Easy. Go to the Downing Street petition site and see what insanity people are calling for today.

There really is a plethora of options to choose from but the first one that stood out was by retired health worker, Mr P Herbert who has started a petition saying,

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Ban swearing on television. All forms of bad language and swearing should be outlawed both on television and by any other electronically transmittted means. Children as young as 5 are using foul language in a most offensive manner.

Well that's Scunthorpe Council fucked screwed, not to mention my buddy DK. Of course there's also the odd petition that makes you fall off your chair laughing. Take this one from a Mr Garry Turton,

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Increase the (latest) points deduction on Leeds United FC. Leeds United have had fifteen points deducted for there latest crime against football. Everyone seems to forget that their fans invaded the pitch on the last day of last season and the game had to be halted for reasons of safety. Surely this was a points deductable offence? Not to mention the original ten point administration ban, that should have been for this season not the end of the last one. Leeds United should be docked 30 points. Please support my petition

What's the point, they got relegated anyway! Anyone think he might be an Ipswich fan? We then move on to those very odd people that start petitions whilst simulatneously thinking they are in some other time and era. For example, Theo Thomson appears to think that it is still 1970.

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Lower Costs on fruit and veg.

Finally though, and you always have to leave the best and most amusing to last, we have Robert James who has started,

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Knight Tony Blair. This great man should be Knighted for his unwavering service and dedication to this country.

Robert himself has of course signed the petition and there are two other signatures as well, from "Get a life he doesnt know his arse from his elbow" and "Please tell me this is a joke". I guess that really sums up the utter pointless futility of the whole e-petition system. Although I guess those two signatures might have been Gordon Brown posting anonymously right?