Like last year a live post as the contestant for the ritual humiliation on Channel4 begins, so here goes.
21:20 - Amanda and Sam, identical twins who I have instantly decided I want to die. They'll probably grow on me. Trouble telling the difference? One of them has a tattoo on the small of her back.
21:24 - Lesley, in her 60, ex-headhunter. Basically a headmistress. Dare I say it, she's a Tory. It's just a hunch like. She's apparently friends of Charles and Camilla. It's a bit like George and his
21:30 - Charley, a self-described "South-East London It girl", lap dancer, cousin of a footballer who looks a bit like a hooker (Divine Browne?)
21:40 - Tracy. Pillhead, cleaner, raver. Probably a member of Reclaim The Streets. Definitely a candidate for withdrawal symptoms.
21:45 - Chanele. Wants to be "famous and rich" or a "speech therapist in Spain". Based her look on Victoria Beckham. Talks like she's done a gram of speed. Lovely on the eyes.
21:47 - Shab, wears far too much make-up and is quite arrogant. Not as much as me though.
21:50 - Emily. What is there to say? She's a girl, another one (looks like the rumours were true). She thinks that there is a new type of music taking over in the UK called "indy". Ahh the young, it's so quaint. She's also a Tory, so I guess that's a saving grace.
22:00 - A welsh bird called Laura who's desire in life is to be an embalmer. Yes really. She wants to embalm the dead as an ideal job. She said she's a really good cock. No wait, that was cook but she's welsh so speaks funny like.
Note: definitely no geezers it seems.
22:10: Nicky. Heeeeello. Born in India and adopted from Mother Theresa's nursery as a child. Hates men at the moment and cannot tolerate them. Handy! Funny, last year, Nikki was the name of the gorgeous one too.
22:12: Carol. Oh my God. Crazy loony lefty 53 year anti-war campaigner. Bet she's a member of Respect. She's a "sexual health worker". Davina has just confirmed she is a member of Respect. So that makes her a fan of sexist, misogynist, racist, homophobe Islamists. Nice!
It appears that the rumours are true. So we just have woman until Friday when a single man will be put in the house. One man, in a house with ten woman who have cycles in union? Jesus wept.