Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Is it because it is English?

Don't laugh, but apparently virtually every Government department has achieved the Crystal Mark from the Campaign for Plain English. Lord knows how they have managed it.

Interestingly though there are two missing departments, the Wales Office and Scotland Office. When the relevant ministers were asked how many documents they had submitted to the Campaign from Crystal Mark status since 2005 they both said "none".

They do say closeness breeds contempt. Might that be why the government offices for these two celtic fringes have shunned something associated with the despicable English?


Anonymous said...

Truly a non story.
You confuse our attitude towards English (the people) with English (the Language)
Different altogether.

It's not closeness that breeds contempt but invasion and theft of territory.

Oh... and superior ignorance of those facts.

dizzy said...

You missed how we have the ability to be sarcastic and take the piss and crucially actually realise when others are doing it.

You silly arse.

Anonymous said...

As your humorous faculties are so developed, how about offering yourself as a stand-in for Russell Brand or Jonathan Ross?

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, I forgot.

It's "ability to be sarcastic and take the piss and crucially actually realise when others blah de blah de blah " when YOU do it but when OTHERS do it, well....

How silly of me not to know my place.

James Higham said...

Now that's indeed an interesting stat. Do you think, dizzy, that that is true for blogging too?

dizzy said...

Anon, do you want some vinegar? I have white wine or malt.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you should have some wine so that you can ditch the spade in your hand. Your arrogance on this matter is breathtaking.

Even for an Englishthingie.

Anonymous said...

Forgot to say.

Now cue the old
"This is my blog if you don't like it effoff...etc"

You know, the sanctuary of the real bully.

dizzy said...

Ladies and gentleman, whilst Scotland gave us Billy Connolly and Wales gave us Rob Brydon, clear this anonymous tit was missed when having a sense of humour was given out in the respective provinces/countries.

Incidnetally, on a point of interest, I'm always amused when I hear that Scotland was taken over by the English even though James IV of Scotland became James I of England. Reality is never as good as downtrodden braveheart ype bollocks though. C'est la vie!

Anonymous said...

See? Your ignorance and arrogance shine through.Being given the kingship as it were as matter of succession (i.e Lizzie 1 having no kids) is a bit different from heading a huge army north and murdering and looting

I take it the french bit at the end is from when the froggies gave your lot a drubbing in Hastings.In a matter of three days from landing.
Stick to numbercrushinghansardstudying geekiness Dizzy.

Anonymous said...

well I'm a taff , cant say I speak for all , but we don't really hate the english , but see them as more of an opportunity ! than an enemy ...

as for the Crystal mark faff ... maybe they just couldn't be arsed .....

money better spent on personal taffia expense account's , those government funded holi - sorry , fact finding missions , have to be funded somehow ...isn't it !

theres tasty for you


and max boyce is an arsehole of the first order ...goddam national disgrace

Anonymous said...

James VI of Scotland united the crowns of England and Scotland in 1603, but the two kingdoms were not merged at that point and continued as separate entities.

The "takeover" our northern chums refer to was effected in the Act of Union of 1707, which dissolved the Scottish parliament and moved the Scottish seat of government to London. Which sounds like a takeover to me.

Now, Dizzy, do be a good chap and for once in your life admit that you're wrong.

dizzy said...

Amsuing, the bit about Hastings I mean. Like why would I give a crap or be annoyed about that? The Normas gave us the Mott and Bailey (sp?) can't say fairer than that.

Re: James VI(I), I've nothing to apologise for because all I started was the fact that a Scottish King became the English King. That isn't wrong.

Anonymous said...

Tankus. Initial Anon here. I'm Welsh too (but not a Taff, being as I'm from the North). I didn't want to let on in case Dizzie would have pounced on the glaringly obvious flaw in my teasing of the poor dear. That is of course the Welsh King Henry VII who founded the Tudor Dynasty (which incidentally finished when said James got the prize)and who hailed from good old Anglesey stock.

Clearly by alluding to 'braveheart types' he is refering to the struggle the Scots had in the 13th/14th C and mixing it with events of 16/17th C. Add to this the rather petulant and childish 'Like why would I give a crap or be annoyed about that?' about a significant episode in the history of these Islands and it add up to someone who is truly ignorant of history and lives in a world of arrogant self-importance.

Such people do not apologise so don't hold your breath Anon 21.40

By the way Dizzy. The Motte and Baileys built here in my part of Wales soon had to be strengthened into full scale solid stone castles because it took over two hundred years for us to be eventually overcome....
...not three days.

Just seen the word verification.
LLCHTHDDNGH. Which, of course is Welsh for... no, I'd better not. Rather apt and amusing though.

dizzy said...

What is it with this "three days" comment? Is it meant to hurt or something?

dizzy said...

Incidentally, what is there to apologise for? It's not my fault you have a chip on your shoulder about events that happened centuries ago and can't take a joke.

Anonymous said...

Try me again with the joke Dizzy. See if I can understand it if you explain it a bit better.

I'm open to being shown the error of my ways.

Word verification now RHLLTHCH.
Another Welsh word. Amazing really. Is this done on purpose?

dizzy said...

IS it that difficult to spot deliberate regional stereotyping?

Anonymous said...

No-one asked you to apologise, Dizzy. Just observing that the union of the crowns in 1603 did not constitute a Scottish takeover of England, despite yor clear inference that it did, and that the Act of Union in 1707 amounted to an English takeover of Scotland.

dizzy said...

"despite yor clear inference that it did"

I think you'll find that the inference is yours concluded from what I said, rather than actually understanding what I said. I was making the amusing, and not factually inaccurate observation, that a Scot became King of England which thus places the general hatred of the English in Scotland about how the English are some sort of evil oppressor in quite an ironic place.

History tends to be funny like that, especially when it is framed in rather silly Hegelian neo-Marxist terms as has happened in this thread with very large chip on shoulders being displayed. The best response to the references to those chips has been "well you English lost to Normans in threee days, ner", something to which I couldn;t give a shit about because guess what, I don't have a chip on my shoulder about English history.

Nah, I take pride in the fact that we got our arses kicked in just three days. Even when we fail we do it better and more spectacularly than the jocks and taffs!

Anonymous said...

"..than the jocks and taffs"
And North Walians don't forget.
We're not Taffs Dizzy my old Geordie/Brummie/Scouse/Manc* chum.

"..rather silly Hegelian neo-Marxist terms.."
Whew, is it you that writes the Dear Leader bit in the Private Eye. The one that's full of made up gobbleydook like that?

I see that you don't want to explain the 'joke' to us. Not surprising really considering there wasn't one. Just an opinionated remark about your neighbours that has backfired a touch on you and shown you up a bit.

* did you note the sarcasm and piss taking I used there (see post 2 by you), calling you, a southener, a Geordie etc in my sheer ignorance of who's who in Englandland.

dizzy said...

"And North Walians don't forget"

You all sound like Taffs to me. I prefer wide generalisations rather than delving deep into the underbelly and internal divisions of the mining classes.*

"The one that's full of made up gobbleydook like that?"

Hegel was a real person and so was Marx. The first influenced the other and their thoughts are key to the entire "oppressed thesis" (alternatively known as the "chip thesis") that you are pushing. Try reading some Enlightenment political philosophy and it won;t be gobbleydook [sic].

"I see that you don't want to explain the 'joke' to us"

I did explain it to you, it was deliberate regional stereotyping. Not difficult to understand really. Suggest you remove the "us" though as you;re the only one that keep reading and replying.

Not surprising really considering there wasn't one

See the previous comment about how you missed/ignored the reference to regional stereotypes.

Just an opinionated remark about your neighbours that has backfired a touch on you and shown you up a bit.

I fail to see how taken the piss out of the Welsh and Scottish and then having one of them bite and become all uppity with faux outrage is a backfire. Do you seriously think that when I wrote it I didn't think "this will wind up some humourless tit"?

"* did you note the sarcasm and piss taking I used there (see post 2 by you), calling you, a southener, a Geordie etc in my sheer ignorance of who's who in Englandland."

I did the miss the bit where you called me a southener because you didn't.

* did you note the dripping elitist sarcasm of my ever so upper middle class condescension? **

Anonymous said...

Hah, you're so easy.Made my day.

Good laugh taking the complete piss out of you though.

Do you know there wasn't a word verification until I cleared my cookies etc. Now, if I knew anyhting about anything I would think you were trying to disable me commenting. Doesn't matter if you don't let this through though cos you know you that I know that you have been well and truly been made a dicKhead of.
Nos Da.

dizzy said...

The pwn3d response... I'm impressed