Thursday, January 18, 2007

Driving At Work. Because you need to know what to do!

Every now and again you find something that just makes you go "WTF?" and today is one of those days. David Kidney, Labour MP for Stafford, asked the Department of Transport what steps it would be taking "in the next 12 months to champion the issue of driving while at work across Government".

Now I accept I may be naive here, but I was unaware that "driving at work" was an issue, nor that it needed championing, especially by Government. But then I don't lean towards the Lefts' tendency of setting up reviews, commissions, into the minutiae of people's daily live, so maybe that explains my temporary moment of puzzlement.

That doesn't mean the response didn't given me a chuckle though. Transport Minister, Stephen Ladyboy said,
"[p]reliminary work is now complete and I aim to have a full programme in place across Government within 12 months to promote best practice policies in respect of driving at work."
Follow that? He's done some preliminary work (that probably just means he's thought about it), and he promises to have done something within a year. Handy, given he's a Blairite so probably doesn't have a year left in the job anyway!

This got me wondering though, what the hell would go in a booklet of "Best Practice* for Driving at Work"?
  1. Remember to use the steering wheel at all times
  2. Keep all four wheels on the ground
  3. If you have not passed a driving test you're fired for lying at interview.
  4. You will need the key to start the vehicle. Do no forget it.
  5. Do not drink whilst driving at work. You might hit a bump and spill it.
  6. Remember to drive on the left hand side of the road.
  7. Workers from the Indian sub-continent should be aware that excessive horn use in Britian can result in broken bones.
  8. We fully expect you to ignore everything in this list of Best Practice policy booklet.
If anyone can think of any others do submit them in the Comments.
* "Best Practice" is a horrible management phrase that should be purged from existence whever possible.


Anonymous said...

"Best practice"

The best surely no longer need to practice..

The Hitch said...

Mr Dizzy it will be all about limiting the number of hours we can spend behind the wheel, so a salesman may have to miss his targets due to the fact that he has to stop driving all on the say so of some unworldy clown with halitosis and a fungal infection of the groin

Anonymous said...

yep, taco meters in the cars next, with a 1000 pound fine or 5 years in prison for not handing them in....

Anonymous said...

Every time I see the words "best practice" or "center of excellence" i
run like f**k cos its gonna be a disaster.

Praguetory said...

I hate Stephen Ladyman.