Saturday, March 05, 2011

How to build a semi-conspiracy theory in 10 steps

Morning all. As it's Saturday I thought I'd have a little fun providing you with a guide to building your own partisan semi-conspiracy theory in just 10 steps. Here's how to do it.
  1. Choose your target, ensure they are of a diametrically opposed political viewpoint and are involved with a political organisation you hate the most on principle. Remember you don't have to be in an organisation yourself. Basically, if you're right wing then your target is going to be socialist scum and if you're left wing they're vicious fledgling neo-nazi scum. If you're a centrist you just hate everyone whilst pretending to be moderate. Simples!
  2. Bitch, moan about and hassle your target enough that they call you a loopy loony tune of mega-proportions.
  3. Bitch, moan about and hassle your target's boss about how your target has called you a name.
  4. If the boss contacts you but doesn't agree with everything you say, they're in on it. If the boss doesn't contact you at all, they're in on it.
  5. Contact the boss's boss to complain about the target and the boss.
  6. Apply step #4 to the action or inaction of the boss's boss.
  7. Contact the boss's boss's boss to complain about the target, their boss and their boss.
  8. Apply step #4 to the action or inaction of the boss's boss's boss.
  9. Continue previous steps ad nauseum up and sideways through the target's organisation. You may also want to break out of the organisation and bring other organisations in where someone in the target organisation left and went elsewhere. The tenuous connection may be tenuous but it remains a connection.
  10. Go "public" with all the gory details of how no one wants to listen to you because they're all bastards from that organisation you hate, reaffirming why everyone should hate the organisation, because they're all either in on it or at least complicit in the event that started everything.
DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

*** Yes I know that in reality this will take more than 10 steps, but hey, that wouldn't make as good a title would it?

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