Official: Lung cancer is Nick Clegg's fault

It wasn't just on housing benefit yesterday that Nick Clegg found himself under fire from maruading Labour MPs demanding he apologise for something. You may not realise this but the Deputy Prime Minister is responsible for giving lung cancer to the people of Gateshead, something which will no doubt hold in good stead with the people of Sunderland.

You see, having admitted to wanting a stash of fags if he were stranded on a desert island, he faced the following question yesterday from some bloke called Ian Mearns,

In my constituency of Gateshead one of the greatest factors in continuing health inequalities and shorter life expectancy among some of the poorest communities is the prevalence of smoking. Does the Deputy Prime Minister at all regret promoting smoking by saying it would be his greatest single luxury if he were stranded on a desert island?

God knows what Mr Mearns would have said to that bastard Winston Churchill about the cigars, or that equal killer of the poor Harold Wilson and his rotten bloody pipe.