Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Green Book changes and BOGOF

Cor blimey Guvnor! What a weekend, and I'm not talking about the (non-political) weather! Should anyone be wondering why I have not posted since Friday, especially given the Coalition's first major crisis leading to a resignation, it's because I was enjoying the real world where politics is secondary and thought I'd wait until now before providing my jaded and irreverent view, so here goes.

What struck me as most amusing when I first read David Laws statement was the bit where he referred to the rules defining a partner as "one of a couple ... who although not married to each-other or civil partners are living together and treat each-other as spouses", and then went on to say,
"Although we were living together we did not treat each other as spouses - for example we do not share bank accounts and indeed have separate social lives."
Now, I please beg forgiveness for crudity and crassness, but to me that sounds awfully like "flatmates with extras" or what might commonly be called a "fuck buddy".

I'm not, of course, defending him as such, but rather find myself pondering whether the rulebook may be in need of some "real world" updating to cover such things as "people you shag regularly but have their own room in the same flat thus providing extra choice on where to engage in unadulterated debauchery and sexual activity".

Actually, whilst we're on the subject, shouldn't there perhaps be a section, perhaps with a little table too, where it defines which sexual acts one engages in a specific number of times thereby defining whether that person is a partner or just a bit of rough?

You know, so, fellatio or cunnilingus* just the once doesn't count, but if you do it five times then that's it, you're in a relationship and the Green Book kicks in? We've got enough CCTV around these days, maybe we should put it in the bedrooms of MPs second homes? If they've got nothing to hide they've got nothing to fear, right? Goose, gander etcetera.

Let's hope the Lib Dem MP for Colchester Bob Russell doesn't have a home in Fingeringhoe though, otherwise it may cause confusion.

Anyhow, after that digression into crassness, I see what followed the resignation was the appointment of Danny Alexander to the post, who was then promptly splashed across the Telegraph front page because he didn't pay Capital Gains Tax on a house he sold when he wasn't due to pay Capital Gains Tax on it anyway - the tax rules were described by the papers as "legal loophole" natch!

Worth noting that this doesn't mean Danny Alexander hasn't been dodgy with other things, just that on this CGT thing, nothing was avoided because nothing was due.

I fully expect in the coming weeks and months we'll also hear from the Telegraph how some money-grabbing MP managed to steal a biro from Tesco without paying for it by spending taxpayers money on a "buy one get one free" offer. Off with his head, bastard, [insert other insults here]. Incidentally, at no point must we mention the tax status of the Telegraph proprietors.

There we go then, I've said my bit, I'm so glad I waited until after the long weekend to say it.

* Am so proud of myself for writing a post that mentions fellatio and cunnilingus during such a serious topic as a Cabinet Minister's resignation. Thank you David Laws, I salute you!

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