"Fuck, fuck, fuck, the Tories got that fucking ex-Eastenders actress who's brother was stabbed to death in the street to support them. FIND ME AN ACID ATTACK VICTIM!"Rumour has it that this morning, when the news that Katie Piper would be appearing with Labour, panic arose in CCHQ and the following was heard,
"Shit! Find me someone who's been crippled, buggered and has a face beaten beyond all recognition quick! NOW!"Note: None of this may actually have happened - but if it did would anyone really be surprised?