Wednesday, November 12, 2008

** New Element Discovered **

Currently doing the rounds via email
Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, "Governmentium" (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called "morons", which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called "peons". Since "Governmentium" has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of "Governmentium" can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete. "Governmentium" has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, "Governmentium's" mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming "isodopes". This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that "Governmentium" is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, "Governmentium" becomes "Administratium", an element that radiates just as much energy as "Governmentium" since it has half as many "peons" but twice as many "morons".
Too true!


Anonymous said...

By my count, this is the second time this has circulated by e-mail this year.

I wonder what the government is (not) doing that makes people consider it so ineffectual?

John Pickworth said...

I'd like to see some serious experimentation with an 'atom smasher'.

And not one of those two-bit Heath Robinson contraptions at Cern where exotic particulars are accelerated at ever increasing speeds around a huge ring... oh no.

My machine is much more powerful and simple. You'd need a gravitational source, something that can raise the temperature of p-Pul... urrmm a major issue like civil liberties, recession or a smirking PM will also do. Next place your highly excited p-Pul and Governmentium into the atom smasher and switch on. The beauty of the process is how quickly the Governmentium will be smashed. In fact tests conducted by Russian scientists back in 1917 show that the machine requires just one single revolution.

Please note: Pitchforks and torches are not strictly required but we believe modern science is best when old traditions are still observed.

Failing that, Guido's String Theory works just as well. May require supply of lamp posts and rope.

dizzy said...

Anon, yep, although it's interesting to see that it has been changing from it's orginal.

Dave said...

Should be tested to destruction

Insider said...

I suppose this was discovered & refined in the Nu Lab.

John of Enfield