Home Office adverts in the paper

Have just spotted a full page advert by the Home Office in the Independent telling me that every commmunity in England and Wales has access to a 'dedicated and visible neighbourhood police team'. At this point I would like to have a quick reality check.

That claim, at least where I live, is the biggest pile of steaming dog crap bollocks in the world since Hitler stood up and said 'I promise you guv, I don't want to invade Poland honestly'. Note also that my use of Hitler is not an expression of Godwin's Law in action, I used him because it was the only example of a big fat whopper I could think of right at this moment.

Where I live in Greenwich our 'neighbourhood' police team is based down by the river in Thamesmead. Contacting them involves leaving a message on the answerphone and hoping they call back before the little oiks have burgled you and beaten you senseless. When you do see them they're fake policemen, i.e. CSOs and they stand in groups of about five chatting.

It's annoying enough having to listen to the crap coming out of Greenwich's Council's leader Chris Roberts' mouth about policing (who, incidentally, is alleged to occasionally grow a little Hitler moustache and throw computers around when angry). What I don't need is the Home Office pissing money up the wall on full page adverts telling me I live in a utopia of law and order when it's patently bollocks.

I feel so much better now that I have that bit of anger off my chest. Normal non-ranty service will resume shortly. I hope the leader of Greenwich Council reads it too, the man is an odious little turd you see.