Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Great Google Search Terms of Our Time

There is very little more amusing than occasionally having a look at your inbound traffic statistics to see what people have been searching and then finding their way to your site. This is especially true if you have insomnia as I currently appear to have, so here are some of the more (mildly) amusing (or not) Google inbound searches.
  • 'Civil serf' - Well I did say mildly, but this one isn't really funny at all. The coverage in the press appears to have sparked significant interest in her blog. And they say people are disengaged with politics huh?
  • 'Gordon Brown gay' - But he's married with children!
  • 'rocking horse gordon brown' - Horrible horrible rumour hotly denied.
  • 'youtube uk' - I have no idea how that happened.
  • 'micha richards sex video' - You need to get out more if you just want to watch a footballer have sex.
  • 'gingers for justice' - As a ginger I support all justice for duracell coppernobs.
  • 'scottish porn' - This is because the Scottish Parliament accidentally left the adult channels available on the TVs that screen proceedings. I don't think that was what the person was looking for though.
  • 'car tax online' - If I only I was one above the DVLA instead of just below it it would be funnier.
  • 'tory boys never grow up' - The name of an anonymous Labour troll. Either he's got an ego or someone is trying to figure out which politician he is by reading all his postings.
  • 'sparkling wiggles' - That will be a video of a kid who could not pronounce 'sparkling wiggles' and instead sounds like she was saying something racist. The video caused a storm because the parents put in on YouTube and people questioned their prejudices.
  • 'father rape daughter' - This was a news story which needs little explaining really. Let's hope to God the person searching it was looking for that story and not a manual for running a Jersey Childrens Home.
  • 'dizzy' - The "I'm Feeling Lucky" button does the job for now. Won't always though. Such is life.
  • 'thinks' - Fifth on Google UK for that term, which is kind of scary given I don't really. At least that is what the trolls tell me constantly. Their creative wit is beyond my wildest expectations you know!
  • 'little mosque on the prairie' - A Canadian sitcom that the BBC will probably never have the balls to show.
  • 'kinky sex' - There appears to be a concurrent theme here doesn't there? I am so going to Hell, although they may play the Dead Kennedys there.
  • 'butt plug' - Oh dear, I've been projecting in my writing again haven't I? Still I'm sure Zac Goldsmith enjoyed having people reminded that he edited an Ecologist article that argued in favour of glass dildos over environmentally unfriendly plastic dildos.
  • 'aquapet' - You really have to see it to beleive it. Funnily enough the toy has been withdrawn now. Can't imagine why. Probably because it was environmentally unfriendly what with it being made of plastic.
  • 'boy butt' - Something tells me he was not looking for this. Word to the wise though, you will get caught one day and then you can be beaten to within an inch of your life by the nice people in prison like armed robbers.
  • 'fanny and dick' - I shall assume they were looking for Enid Blyton books.
  • 'rent boys' - This one was yesterday and I think it's safe to presume that they were not really interested in a post about Harriet Harman and prostitution. However, it is slightly disturbing that this site was on the first page of Google for said search term. At the same time I have beaten the sex trade with politics on 'teh interweb'. Go me! I am teh win! - note it has dropped out of the first page now.
  • 'free porn channels' - That will be the Scottish Parliament again.
  • 'how to become a gold digger' - If you have to use Google honey you should probably quit now. Although it looks like the Government may help you in your goal.
  • 'dress up tory' - I thought the party was past all that. I mean come on, it's so 1990s!
  • 'jesus wept' - What can I say? Jesus Wept?
  • 'usb blowjob' - OK, you have problems. Honestly. Please don't tell me you bought one for that purpose?
  • 'phil hendren weasel' - Come on now, surely arsehead is a fairer description? I'm sure my friendly trolls will think of worse.
  • 'can you buy a car in texas without a driving licence' - Ours is not to reason why. Ours is but to do and scratch our heads in confusion.
  • 'all of the above' - Not really in the logs but everything above will now get a link to this page eventually as well.


The Heresiarch said...

A few of mine from overnight:

"Prophet Muhammad in indecent Ethiopian art"

"Purple fetish"

"Student's desperate measures for tuition fees"

"vatican ridiculous"

"no mirrors anger"

One of these actually led to an appropriate story!

Pete Chown said...

I've had some weird ones too...

"i was a car thief" - Well, I'll take your word for it!

"church fence" - my post was about fence sitting!

"civil surf" - if you spell it wrong, you don't get what you want.

"correct pelling for condolleezza rice"

"getting a tiket form the police offocer to a car"

"gordon brown on writing software"

"hitler clegg" - I don't think much to the man, but he's not that bad!

"lucozade bottle bomb" - a bit worrying if my site is getting hits from al-Qaida.

"mothers in sperm org."

"public order offence swearing to a police officer" - you want a solicitor.

"teenager having a conversation with an older person"

I also wrote about Richard Littlejohn calling for the return of the workhouse. I've had lots of searches for things like "bring back the workhouse". It's a bit worrying, are people really thinking like that?

the mind of the matrix said...

That is some cool abstract shit heresiarch. 'no mirrors anger' is especially fun.

Great post Dizzy :D

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one thinking that perhaps Dizzy's lady found his OUTGOING search terms and this post is part of an elaborate ruse to deflect his guilt?


dizzy said...

I'm a techie. I don't believe in auto-complete forms or history or cacheing.

Alex said...

Interesting. Led me to this gem: